Randomness in the Life of a Fool

I'm testing this crossposting again. I've just gotten a Xanga site ^_^ So now I'm trying to see whether the crossposting to Xanga and LiveJournal from my Tabulas will work.

Well, here goes nothing **pushes button**

**grins** it works!! the cross posting works!!! ^_^ I'm so happy! I think that it wouldn't have worked if I wasn't using Mozilla. Mozilla is soooo cool! Although I think that I should update my Firebird for Firefox. ^_^ Firefox is a cool name, I think. The icon is adorable too!

Anyways, it's been a while since I've posted on Tabulas. I hope to stop this. oi, I'm currently working on two essays at once. Art History is a week late, but I have such a bad mark in that class that I need to hand in my essay. English is a bit better, I think, and it's only going to be a day late, if I can get it done tonight. Film Studies was also due today, but I haven't even started it >.< bad Neko! bad NEKO!!!!

I've already had a panic attack today, so I don't think that I should dwell on it for very long.

And the Quest for the Blue Hair still continues. I have the dye, but it needs some sort of brush, and Crimsontina won't dye my hair unless she has gloves. But, this is all going to be worth it! Because I'm going to Anime North, and for the entire weekend!!! ^_^

And I have to get my declaration of program in. There's no more re-registration at WLU, which is nice. I don't like the sound of it anyways. Online registration is much nicer.

I had some tea with Jill, and then I managed to get out of Film Studies early, in time to have Community Supper.

**sigh** I have to work now... I don't think that I'm sleeping tonight though... at least, much...

heh, my claws are growing back. I cut them a while back to try and get my scratching under control as well as the fact that I was tired of drawing blood every time I was dressing in the morning. Rather annoying.

Anyways, I went to bed at eight in the morning, after finishing the English essay. I haven't worked all day. I think my brain has gotten strained, or something. My body tends to get me back when I'm mean to it. Yeah, and that includes staying up all night to work on essays. darn it.

So I didn't get any work done. My parents called from Japan as I was drifting off to sleep. I slept for the entire day, and around four Crimsontina came by to ask me whether I wanted to play cards. I told her that I stayed up really really late, like all night, so sleeping is all I was good for. Never mind that I stink at card games, because I can never remember how to play them. Go Fish and War is all I can play, because it's so simple. I play Yu-Gi-Oh, but it's just for fun because it takes me longer to figure out how to use the cards I have. Learning Disabilities stink sometimes. But I don't mind. Tournaments scare me anyways; there's too many ppl.

Anyhow, Crimsontina reminded me to get up for supper, because she knows that I have a habit of not eating lunch. It was good supper, so I filled up. I'm hungry now though, and I've eated all of the tangerines that Gramma brought me. Well, all the ones that didn't have mold on them. ewwww >.< makes me wonder about how healthy eating those were.

A little while ago, I weighed myself. It probably would be best to do so before eating, but still.

... 182... I was 170 when I started to try lose weight. WTF?????????
I'm supposed to be 150 too!!! WTF? WTF?

**confuzzled** Something's not right here...

no blue hair yet...

**falls over alseep**

...zzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

so Crimsontina came to visit me to day, shortly after my coach left. She started playing with my hair, and then asked whether tomorrow would be a good day to do it.

"Do what?" I asked. Crimsontina made a sound like a sigh, and I think she rolled her eyes.

"K, what's this colour?" She pointes to a pen sitting on my desk.
"Blue," I said, starting to get the idea.
"And what's this?" She held up some of my hair. I grinned.

^_^

So I went and dropped off my English essay. I walked past the prof while I was there ^_^ I had to giggle.

I got out money, and bought pocky, and then in the pharmacy, I bought After Eights, cause I like the stick-mints. But when I get home and open the box, it's not the stick kind, it's the little squares >.< drat!!!

And then I went down for supper, and I didn't like the pasta, or the dessert, so I basically had coffee for supper. And then in a conversation, I became aware that the rez closes on the 23 (april), while at WLU, exams are until the 28th. I came back up, and sure enough, it's true. I'm without a home!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! **runs around panicked**

On the other hand, I've registered for my program. and it told me that I was a part-time student. me, I'm like WTF???? I guess it's cause I didn't start out taking four classes like in Fall, and so it reverted me to part-time. o.0 oh... dear...

I hope I can get back up to full-time by just getting into four classes. It's stupid, at all the other universities, three classes is still considered full-time if you have a reduced courseload. I'm LD!! I neeeeed to have a reduced courseload!!! **whimper**

this is not good

oh yeah... I have a doctor's appointment on March 25. So on the 24th, I have to have an overnight bag ready to go, and run back from class so that my parents can pick me up and race home for a morning appointment.

psychiatry ain't easy... ^_^

I have this series of personal/informal essays that I wrote, at times of inspiration, for my church newletter. I called them From the Kore, a sort of play with my name ^_^ I got a lot of positive reponses that have encouraged me to continue writing. Anyways, this is one of my favourite articles. I wrote it when I felt bitter about society in general.




From the Kore # Nine: To be, or not, normal
Wednesday, August 21, 2002
Corina L.B.



I’ve always noticed the differences in people. It’s like something of a past time for me to observe the ways that a person operates and acts to certain situations, especially to other people. I really don’t appreciate the remarks people make about each other, especially when they can’t understand that people are all different and seem to blame others for the way that they are. It’s rather a personally experience.

I don’t expect everyone to understand me, or relate to me, because I know that I’m different from typical girls my age. I find myself the social alien in my school simply for the way I act, and apart from being lonely sometimes, I don’t mind. I’d never go shopping to buy a wardrobe that’s in style, because it’s a waste of time and money. I usually buy what’s available in my size. It’s just not me to go crazy about guys. I just believe that using all my time just so that I can fit in to a certain crowd is just not worth it. I refuse to be what society defines as ‘normal’, and that makes a lot of people unhappy.

I don’t like the way society defines normal. It makes people act a certain way, stunting their personal growth. To a teen, so much depends on who you are, that I think most teens see society’s normal as something to work for, and in doing so, taking the easy way out. They make themselves act this way and buy that, all so they can have the feeling that they belong, that this is who they are without having to really look at their selves. I think that if all teens looked at who they really are, they will find that there is no real definition for normal; it doesn’t exist. A Fruitopia ad asks ‘What if there is no normal?’ and I say, it doesn’t. At least, not in the way we think about it. I looked up normal in the dictionary, and it told me that normal is to conforming to an accepted standard, model or pattern. The Media, which influences society more than we admit, defines normal as going along with the crowd, being popular, pretty and fashionable. And media says that’s where self-esteem and self worth comes from. Well, it might be true for some people, but there’s an exception everywhere.

I take normal to be seen as two things, with regards to the dictionary definition. What’s first thought of is being a part of the pattern of society, to be average of society. Sometimes I see this getting distorted by corruption. A person that is different is rejected as normal because they don’t follow what everyone else is doing, or acting, or whatever. Society seems to reject them because they don’t need what everyone else needs to be him or herself, they don’t follow the standards, if you will. Standards that allow companies who control the media get rich because that’s what they’ve been taught to do, and that’s how they feel they will be successful in life. It’s a cycle that keeps going because it feeds on confused teenagers looking for their identity. What isn’t understood is that if people were all unique, then the definition of normal is completely obsolete if you follow society’s way. And I’ve noticed that society is hypocritical in itself. Lately I’ve seen ads that encourage people to be different, to be unique. But it’s an ad for a certain brand of clothing, for a certain store. So the message I’m getting is that it’s great to be different, but only if you’re wearing this kind of clothing from this store only and heaven help you if you don’t accessorize. And so on and so on.
To follow the crowd isn’t unique, it’s doing what everyone else is doing. Quoting a well-known question, I ask you this: if everyone considered normal were to all jump off a cliff to his or her deaths, would you follow?
Thought so. No, we would haul them off to the mental hospital. At least, I would.

I have a different definition of normal. To be normal is to follow a set pattern, regularly and faithfully. But here’s the difference. The pattern is different for everyone. What is normal for one person may be alien to another; what is good for one is not necessarily good for everyone. Take, for example, myself. I’m definitely not like most students in my school. This is partly because I’m part of the population labelled Attention Deficit Disorder. Although it really sounds like something bad, it’s not. It’s just that A.D.D. people are good at making other’s lives interesting, to say the least, in both good and bad ways. But back to my point, one of the reasons I’m just an outsider is that I can’t take part in some activities that they can. I simply cannot take the time or effort to do what is considered normal. I look at what some people do, shake my head and walk away. I don’t follow that way of life. However, I do have my own ‘normal’ behaviour, which includes all the wacky weird things I do. If there’s food, I eat. If there’s a friend who needs a shoulder to cry on, I will jump into my car and drive across town to give that friend my shoulder. It’s sometimes taxing on my resources (and at times, grades), but its part of my behaviour. I know that my peers at school look at my values and think them strange, but then, I think wasting money to see certain films really stupid.

I get in contact with a large variety of people, each one with their own values and patterns for normal. We may not see eye to eye on some issues, but we can get along. One of the problems, however, is labelling. Is it really right to make all these unique people try to become a certain way? Do we consider suppression of personal freedom right? To become an outside-defined type of normal? Isn’t there a word for that, like, peer pressure? Do we consider peer pressure right? I rest my case.

course, this was before I'd even heard about Asperger Syndrome, but I think it still applies, eh?

So what do you all think ?